:: Diary-Pages of BlueDolphin ::

R - I - P

2005-10-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

I'll be leaving this blog, closing it down or just leave it as it is here. Will not update nor blog in anymore.

This blog existed from the very start is for my recovery and re-discovering myself from my past depression. Least did I expect that it is also what brought me back to the depression. Instead of seeking solace, it brought me back to my sorrows and drowning me back. Lost.

I'll be leaving this community and also other activities to live back my life in solitary.

To my faithful readers. To the ones that sees my depression these two weeks.. Glad that you understands me so well. Even though I try to laugh and smile, you could see it through. Sorry that I couldn't hide it well. Its not what I could control.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough. - Patti Smith: Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with youExcuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody elseSomebody who gave a damn,Somebody more like myselfThese foolish games are breading my heartyour thoughtless words are breaking my heart. - Jewel:Foolish Games

I told you everything Opened up and let you in You made me feel alright For once in my life Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be So together but so broken up inside Cause I can't breathe No I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on. - Kelly Clarkson : Behidn these hazel eyes

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut My weakness is that I care too much My scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel. - Papa Roach:Scars

The trouble with love isIt can tear you up insideMake your heart believe a lieIt's stronger then your prideThe trouble with love isIt doesn’t care how fast you fallAnd you can’t refuse the callSee you’ve got no say at all Every time I turn aroundI think I’ve got it all figured outMy heart keeps callinAnd I keep on fallinOver and over againThis set story always ends the sameMe standin in the pouring rainIt seems no matter what I doIt tears my heart in two- Kelly Clarkson:The Trouble With Love

:: HeartFelt Words of Mine ::

Till the end of our lives, Ciao! Rest In Peace.

Lost In It

2005-10-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

I kept on thinking to myself. Haven't I fell to this hole before? No, I shouldn't fall in
again, walk pass it and leave it, no matter how it is. But then came along a butterfly, not
very colorful or pretty, but looks promising and lovely. This butterfly came to tell me that
there are many big apples that could be found in the hole! But i've fallen in this hole
before, its very painful, and it took me more than a year to climb back up! The butterfly
kept on insisting that its not going to be painful and its going to taste good! But I'm not
looking to eat one or two apples, I want to be filled all through my years. Then the
butterfly flap on the wings and came to my side, don't worry i'll take you down the hole to
eat those apples together. I'll ensure that you'll not fall and you'll going to be filled
through the years in it. Stupidly losing my guard feeling, defence and sense.. I followed
the butterfly's lead, before I could turn around, the butterfly trip me down fall back down
the hole hitting my whole body from the fall! Shit! I fell into this hole again.. then the
butterfly flew off ignoring the my pleas that is in tears and pain and hurt. Into depression I drown myself in tears wondering why.. again, I try to climb back up from this hole. How long will it take again? Why do I fall back to the same hole? Losing myself again..Haven't I seen it before? Haven't I warned myself not to?

Nothing to look foward to

2005-10-25T19:28:00.000+08:00

These few days was a torture to me. I wish I could say why, but speechless I am.
Theres this deal that I finally am able to take up this deal that would blow my this month's
number totally. My first month number! Amazing? Yeah. So? Why am I not happy at all? Could I
say why? Hey! Its such a big number with a total solution. Blowing your quota! Isn't that
what you've been working so hard for? I've been working hard on so many, yet this is not
what makes me smile.
Every day I work hard yet I am always looking to leave work early as soon as I could so that
I can be there to .. whatever it is. But this time round.. I just don't want to leave work.
No, i don't want to leave my cubicle. For what? "Your job is done..you can actually leave,
ya" said my manager. I kept on nodding.. but i don't want to leave my office. Kept on
sitting there, fumbling with whatever there is trying to keep my mind in one piece. "Hey,
even my whole quarter's meeting is finished, and you're still here?" staring at her, i know
i must leave already. Quickly I packed up my stuff.. walked around the corner to disappear
myself at the cafetaria. Sat there.. staring at thin air.. still reluctant to leave office.

Leaving office, where do i go? Home? For ? drown myself again?

Gareth Gates - Say It Isn't So

2005-10-24T17:24:00.000+08:00

Heading for tomorrow
I wave goodbye to yesterday
Wipe the tears you hide your face
Blinded by the sorrow
How can I be smiling like before
When baby you don't love me anymore

[Chorus:]
Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Tempt to find but at least we've tried
We're still alive with hopes this time
As they closed the door behind you
We're so alone and time stands still
Shake the ground beneath the wheels
as I wish I'd never found you
Wohoh
How can I be smiling when you go
Will I be strong enough to carry on

[Chorus]

Miles, miles to go
Before I can sail
Before I can nail my love for you to sleep
Oh darling
I get miles, miles to go
Before anyone will ever hear me laugh again

[Chorus]

Fools in the game of Love

2005-10-24T12:55:00.000+08:00

Elvis Presley - A Fool Such As I

Now and then there's a fool such as I
Pardon me, if I'm sentimental
When we say goodbye
Don't be angry with me should I cry
When you're gone, yet I'll dream
A little dream as years go by
Now and then there's a fool such as I

Now and then there's a fool such as I am over you
You taught me how to love
And now you say that we are through
I'm a fool, but I'll love you dear
Until the day I die
Now and then there's a fool such as I

Now and then there's a fool such as I am over you
You taught me how to love
And now you say that we are through
I'm a fool, but I'll love you dear
Until the day I die
Now and then there's a fool such as I
Now and then there's a fool such as I
Now and then there's a fool such as I

=====================================================

Well written song which tells us theres always a fool in us when we're in love.
I guess thats how it is when you are, but better not be.

Twice the scars have then reminded me such again and again. As the song says, Love is for fools. Yeah.

To those that have kept on telling me not to be so sad and kept on comforting me that theres always hope and the right person. Thanks for all those comfort. I know it came from your good heart. Once bitten twice shy, twice bitten never try.

Love is sweet when its placed with the right person, its bitter and sour, even hurts your tougue like pineapple when you placed it with the wrong person.

To those that have been comforting me, it have always been proven that my theories are right. Trust me. Emotions entanglement.. whatever it is. Its never worth. Stop debating with me on this anymore..

And to the ones that told me to love you and eventually I did.. it always happens this way. Its always not me who wanted it to happen, be it fear or be it cowardice.. but when it happens that you have built up the bricks of love. Then I'll always be the one to put all my efforts to maintain the blocks and ensure it doesn't goes wear and tear. This building eventually became centre of my attention or life.. then what happens? The builder of the building hit the building so hard that it all fell apart. Yet the one who falls the hardest would be me. Why? Might as well don't build? Don't maintain it. When it falls, the pain is too much to bear.

REST IN PEACE be my trust my mind and my soul for the four letter words. Don't waste time pushing me to the ICU or surgery room, just wrap me in a black paper bag and throw it down the coffin. - RIP

Missing RIB

2005-10-23T03:33:00.000+08:00

A girl in love asked her boyfriend.

Girl: Tell me. Who do you love most in this world?

Boy: You, of course!

Girl: In your heart, what am I to you?

Boy: The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, "You are my rib. It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep, God took one of Adam's rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart."

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.

However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.

All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other. The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated.

One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, "You don't love me!"

The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse, retorted, "Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!"

Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while. He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.

Before she left the house, "If I'm really not your missing rib, please let me go." She continued, "It is less painful this way. Let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners."

Five years went by...

He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly. She had left the country and back. She had married a foreigner and divorced. He felt anguished that she never waited for him.

In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her.

One day, they finally met. At the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good byes. He was going away on a business trip. She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them. She smiled at him gently.

Boy: How are you?

Girl: I'm fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?

Boy: No.

Girl: I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.

Boy: I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.

With a smile, she turned around and waved good bye.

Good bye...

One week later, he heard of her death. She had perished in New York, in the event that shocked the world.

Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.

Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to "think twice and act wisely", it's often easier said than done.

Things happen each day, many of which are beyond our control. Let us treasure every moment and everyone in our lives.

Tomorrow may never come. Give and accept what you have today.

Birthday VOW

2005-10-23T03:14:00.000+08:00

My vow to myself for my next year's birthday.
Be happy, thankful to GOD for giving me all I have and will have then.
Never to let anyone else influence my happiness anymore.
Not to get drunk, not to cry, not to be hurt, not to torture myself.
Not to add wounds to my already scars.
Live my life for myself not for anyone else.
Spoil myself for that day.

I've had enough sad birth-days. So...
May my Heavenly Father bless and grant me such with His grace.

Don't Tell Me IT anymore

2005-10-23T03:09:00.000+08:00

Don't ask me to trust it again
Tell me no more
I don't want to risk it all again
The pain is too much
I can't give it anymore
Don't say it to me
For I could not answer to it
The wounds are still fresh
In my mind could never clasp
The trust to it again
Move on I will
But don't tell it to me anymore
This word called LOVE
It only constitutes PAIN

Drunken Birthday

2005-10-22T03:44:00.000+08:00

Boy, have never drank and puke and drank and puke for so many times. Ugh.. still having he hangover. Happy birthday oh dolphin? Yeah, happy it is ... Ho?

Guess all my birthdays are all spoilt by my most loved-ones. :) Happy spoiling.

Birthday Blues II

2005-10-19T20:48:00.000+08:00

Here again my birthday blues! Loneliness surely makes us think a lot don't we?

I'm again one year older now. Looking at what I have now, feel so lost and low. I'm only riding on a scooter without savings and only liability. Earning peanuts, able to afford instant noodles only. Living with family and alone. Buzzing around my computer alone. Blogging here alone. A head full of rotten memories. And a stubborn mule! :)

Whats next for the coming year of my life? All I could do is to pray to Heavenly Father that may His grace be with me, as He to fill my life with His presence. May He fill my life with joy and not loneliness or depression or tension anymore. :) Amen! Praise to the Almighty! Amen!

Birthday Blues

2005-10-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

My birthday is coming. Age ticking to 23 then. Should I be happy? Yeah. Am I eager for it? Well.. sorta.

During my childhood all I think of for birthday would be BIG BIG TOYS! And lotsa lots food. Especially Kentucky Fried Chicken! Food Food Food!

What bout during these mature years of mine? Honestly. Nothing much that I could hope for. Sad to say, never once I get to spend my birthday with my loved one well, aside from with my family.

For these five years' birthday I've mostly spent it with good ol buddies of mine and also conventionally dinner with family. Lonely birthdays I had through the years.

Down the years' of birthdays I had, only once I manage to spent with my so called soul mate then. But it was the most sour and sad birthday I had. Memory of the day would be tears and pain with disappointment and sadness that he brought me. Ever spent your birthday in tears?

Who doesn't want to spend their birthday with their soul mate? Its just fate that I never get to spend a happy birthday with my cherished partner. I guess this year is not exceptional either.

Lonely birthdays I may have, but I'm still fortunate and blessed to have good old buddies of mine that have never stop filling me with joy! Cheers to every-one of them and blessed be every-one of us!

Touching Old Song

2005-10-16T18:49:00.000+08:00

All Saints - Never Ever

A few questions that I need to know
How you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
And how long its been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention
Or did I not give enough affection
Not only will your answers keep me sane
But I know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face
Or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter
Either way I have to know
Did I never treat you right
Did I always start the fight
Either way I'm going out of my mind
All the answers to my questions I have to find

My head spinning
Boy I'm in a daze
I Feel isolated
Don't want to communicate
Take a shower
I will scour
I will roam...
Find peace of mind, the happy mind
I once owned, yeah...

Flexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my concience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I have done nothing wrong, though...
I'm just waiting, cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long

Never ever, ever, ever felt so low
When you gonna take me outta this black hole
Never ever, ever, ever felt so sad,
The way I'm feeling yeah you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig a way to find my own peace of mind
I'm never ever have my conscious to fight
The way I'm feeling yeah it just don't feel right

I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't want to hurt no more
I need peace
Got-to-feel-at-ease
Need to be...
Free from the pain
Go insane my heart aches, yeah...

Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy...
I'm sure I have done nothing wrong
Now, I'ma just a waiting, cause I heard that this feeling won't last
that long

You can tell me to my face
You can tell me on the phone
Ooh you can write it in a letter babe
Cause I really need to know
You can tell me to my face
You can tell me on the phone
Ooh you can write it in a letter babe
Cause I really need to know
You can write it in a letter babe
You can write it in a letter babe...

Almost Blacked out

2005-10-16T17:45:00.000+08:00

As usual I was hopping and stretching on the board in gym for the Body Step class, while looking around to see if there are any fammiliar faces.

Suddenly I almost blacked out. Struggled I tried to regain balance on my feet. I shook my head twice to gain back proper sight. Walked out of the room feeling really dizzy and blurred vision my pace is slow yet my direction wasn't proper. Moving from left to right trying to reach to the ladies dressing room. I sat down breathing heavily wondering what went wrong.

Almost blacked out falling off the board. geez... Yeah of course.. I went for blood donation. I never thought that it'd affect me physically. Though I donated 450ML of blood, but usually it won't matter much, coz i'd still continue on with my usual activities after the donation. But oh well, must be a really bad week, swollen ankle, depression, lack of blood...etc etc. haiz.

With my swollen ankle, after donation, lack of sleep.. i shouldn't have went for the gym should i? but i just want to push myself off, refuse to let depression overcome me. I guess..

2 Cheeky Dolphins!

2005-10-16T07:16:00.000+08:00

Cheeky Dolphins

Can you handle two Cheeky Dolphins?

Miror-ing !

2005-10-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

Pride

2005-10-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

Pride! How many times there are things you know you want to do but yet you know you should not to?

Holding up the cell feeling lost I punch in the digits, missing you eagerly I hope to hear your voice.. looking at the appearance of your name blinking, reminds of what happened. Anger fills in fast pride holds me back soon enough. Quickly tapped on the red button before it connects to the network, I threw my cell off down the table. Grabbing onto myself I stared on far dreaded distant and dumb.

Pride always holds us from doing what we could have done that could have ease us from a lot of pain. Pride is also what that saves us from being a fool. Pride is also what push us down to the pool of regrets.

:: Bisexual Blues ::

2005-10-15T22:32:00.000+08:00

As I'm helping out my fellow buddy to fly off somewhere far but not too many days away. Chatted along on our table filled with food as if we're also breaking from two days of hunger.

Bisexuals! Hahaa.. for those who knows me, its always a very interesting issue for me! :) Well.. So what? To the ignorants, Bisexuals are individuals which have sexual interest to both male and female. For the naive ignorants, this may not be a topic for you, but ITS MY BLOG. So push your buttons and off you go if you don't like it.

As we discussed, its gonna be really tough for bisexual, coz no matter who that person is to go out with, be it guy or girl, jealousy will definitely arise! Suspicion is for sure inevitable either. Whats to say? When both genders still has possibility of stirring interests and high chance of fidelity since it has higher range. And if the partner keeps on being jealous and suspects every person thats out with, won't it be problematic?

Come again what leisha(the only bisexual) mentioned in the series The L Word. "I'm looking for the same qualities in a man as in a woman". I don't agree with it. There are too different qualities in a man and woman. Very distinct difference in their roles in a relationship. Ok, for me, theoretically what I look for in a man would be similar interests, same level of intellectual capabilities, big bear hug that I could hide myself in, be able to protect me, assist me in decision making and pamper me! But what for a girl? Ok though its not something I'm fammiliar with, but If i'm to expect my partner to be a girl, the qualities would definitely be very different rite? There are just qualities that girls won't fufill. Ok, for example, if i'm to like a girl.. what'd I be looking at and for? Hmmh.. sweet smell, rounded eyes, loving and tender care, loving arms to hold on to, could talk to, could rely on emotionally, sensitive and pamper me!!!!! Thats what I think i'd look for in a girl, but besides pampering me, every other quality is different from what i'd look for in a guy. There are responsibilities and qualities in guys and girls that are different.Yet again! Guys that are trying to immitate girls, and vice versa is definitely out of the scope, k. Ish!

Swollen knee !

2005-10-15T22:20:00.000+08:00

My swollen ankle. Ouch! Its swollen. Blue black too.. Bad fall, bad week.. Kind of reminds me the last time I got my ankle twisted really badly. Sweet memories yet painful as where it leads to.

These are the times where loneliness catches me. Hoping there'd someone to attend to me and care for me.

Unfortunately Solitary life is what fate plans for me I guess..

Sad Dreaded Life

2005-10-14T22:23:00.000+08:00

These few days have been such dreaded days of my life. I've had worse in the past year, but its totally horrible days for me.

I start my week with really bad diarrhea that have been persisting with my stomach for like a week before this week. On the first day I've to frequent trips to the washroom for the whole noon rite after our pressuring and heated departmental meeting. CLOSE THE QUARTER CLOSE IT CLOSE IT... thats what that have been screaming from one end of the room to another, as my stomach keeps on growling and growling. Thats not all that have made my day.

Then came my superior, picking on from my minor to major to volcano issues to push, reprimand, scold, scream and shout at. Fluffing and showering all her saliva on me.

Then I again fell off the road bruised my hands and knee and twisted my ankle. Oh Boy.. worse still is my padini pants is torn. Knowing that I don't have many pants to choose from, this is one of my favorite slack-like pants!!!

This week was almost hell-like week for me. Yesterday I was scolded for almost four long hours. Its like shit! Besides, I did not make any mistake, but yet I'm to be picked on coz i'm the newest there. Four hours of, "IN THE ROOM, NOW!" and "WHY YOU.. WHAT YOU.. YOU CANNOT.. HOW CAN U.." uggh... Today she did not spare me either. I was shouted so badly today that I just have to control my tears from spilling out. Out of nothing. She expects un-realistic matters to be done. I'm almost bursting!!

Though all these dreaded me for the whole week.

Life just never goes better don't it?

.... just again another rambling of bluedolphin ....

2005-10-12T22:05:00.000+08:00

Turning your back to someone is easy, but turning your back and walk away to someone you care for is not. But there are such times where its just not your decision to make anymore, ain't it?

Life is difficult, just as my friend just told me ten minutes ago. And yes. Life to make decisions, and to bear consequences of those decisions. Those "what if" questions are always tough to answer.

Mixed feelings of worried or ignored ?

2005-10-11T17:51:00.000+08:00

Ever felt worried of losing someone? I used to have these feeling that it scares me to my last hair.

Sometimes when theres someone that means very much to you, the sudden absence of that person could bring you down. At least thats just me. Worried that if that person is fine, worried if that person is sick or if theres anything that have happened to that person. Worse would be the distance in between definitely amplifies the tension. If it is anything that I have done that have caused you to ignore me, I'm fine with it, but the fear of hurt or pain that you could be enduring is what worries me. Even if theres anything that have happens, could you not at least let me know?

Yet, the guard feeling always knocks at my conscience doors that it could always be a prank. Haven't you tasted such before it asks. Yes, I have. And it re-opens my closed wounds that have long forgotten. Was it just a prank to test if the waters ripples for the absence? If this is just a prank, anger fills me sourness I taste and pain not only I will bear.

Why would someone do such? If this person holds the key then what about me to you? Do I mean less to you? Or should I not just reimburse this key and never let anyone hold it anymore?

I don't want to be the fool I used to be, yet I don't want to force myself to be a cold person. This game I've seen and learned the rules, but I don't want to play the game. Unless you want me to.

Fantasizing?

2005-10-09T22:31:00.000+08:00

Is it wrong to fantasize about someone else when you're attached?

Sometimes these silly questions pops up in my head. When you're already attached with someone, or some soul mate you'd say, is it right to fantasize about someone else? Secretly? And if you found out your partner is fantasizing someone else, would you or should you be angry enough to start up fights?

what am i to say?

2005-09-25T21:24:00.000+08:00

words told
feelings unsettled
thoughts racing
mind blanked

feeling betrayed
i don't understand why
we were never commited
yet disappointment i could not hide

your honesty i appreciate
your doing i am disappointed
your action i disapprove
your regret i wish i could understand

at times i don't know how to respond to you
yet i know it should not be of my concern
but disappointed betrayed and disbelief
what am i to say?

Stronger

2005-09-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

This is just plainly my perception.

As I was watching the movie "Flight Plan", i was amazed by how jodie could be so strong to climb up and down, punching kicking, struggling with the cop and flight attendants, hiding, crushing the Mercedes car, got hit, persisting and insisting ... i mean, every human being has a limit, and everyone could only do that much. But! One thing is that, when there is someone important to you, and you want to protect that person, you gets stronger, you will fight to your last breath or do whatever you can just to see that person well or safe. Just like how Jodie Foster is. I believe, if she is not to look for or to protect her beloved daughter, she could never be that strong to go against everyone and neglect her wounds to look for her daughter. well, if she's alone there without seeking for her daughter and the plane got hijacked, she would probably resist and fought, but won't with that much of strength. probably she'll get tired and leave whatever there is to fate.

but when you're to protect someone, you'd fight to your last breath and not surrending it to fate. just like how jodie did. just like how every person which is commited to their family or loved ones, we would fight to our upmost in career and life just to provide them with shelter and cozy life. To see they are safe and well. Don't we?

** just another of bluedolphin's boring ramblings **

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

2005-09-15T19:39:00.000+08:00

I don’t wanna lose you,
I don’t wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don’t wanna hate you
I don’t wanna take you
But I don’t wanna be the one to cry
That don’t really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough

Now I could never change you
I don’t wanna blame you
Baby you don’t have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something’s gonna change

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough

And there’s no way home
When it’s late at night and you’re all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart they can’t touch.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain’t enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough.

Cameron Highlands Trip ~!

2005-09-05T14:32:00.000+08:00

Cheeky me during my one day trip down to Cameron Highlands. Behind me is a 31 year old big cactus that seem to be poking my head when I'm taking this photo.

And here, below is the group shot of everyone of us in the trip down to Cameron Highlands.

Enjoyed the trip very much with all the greens of the place together with all those bright colors of the flowers and plants.

Pity that we have to leave earlier, coz I don't get to dine on my favorite steamboat. Yummyz. But still I get to taste something different from our every day food, which is curry chicken in toasted bread.

Sinned Again

2005-08-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

Selfish beings we are and least to say me
Bornt to be sinners we bear the seeds of Adam and Eve
Only humans we blame but not to ourselves we see
Fearing the punishments that we need to pay only we plea

Here again I mumble I made my mistake again
Why have I succumb to temptations yet again
Attempts to repent again in vain
Guilt consumes me I wish not to sustain

Again I fall to my knees I pray to HIM for forgiveness
I pray through HIS grace my pain HE would supress
From guilt and fear of the sins that I did that YOU detest
Amnesty for the sins of mine I wish HE would cleanse

Please do not forsake me MY LORD
I never wish to go against YOUR word
Please do not abandon me MY LORD
This lost sheep's whines i hope thats still heard

I sin again I am ashamed
YOUR faithful child I still am I hope YOU would acclaim
YOUR loving arms around me please don't take away
Please forgive me and wash my sins away

After Life

2005-08-27T16:21:00.000+08:00

Hours and days went on as months and year fly by
Come and go with our daily phases
Friends come and go without trace
Yet your departure left me abyss

Walking my own new life
I wonder if you're still alive
Under the same sky do we still see the same stars
Would you still remember me when you see the stars

Questions still exists together with doubts
Have the passion died down or have the love ceased
Or was it that love never happened or I'm just a living fool
Whatever answers still could not justify what you've done

Memories fading trying to leave them all behind
Yet standing here shadow of you still forms
Shaking off the imaginery you
I walked away refuse to probe further back in the past

Words have been said, actions have been done
None of them could be unwinded nor undone
Putting the past behind me
Forgetting Everythng
But Not Forgiving You

Antara Cinta dan Kasih

2005-08-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

Antara Cinta Dan Kasih

Oh...
Tiada ku menduga
Setelah sekian lama aku sendiri... menyepi
Hadirmu bak selembut bayu
Menghembus dingin di wajahku
Mengeringkan air mata
Kau belaian di jiwa

Genggaman erat tangan mu
Membuat aku terharu
Keikhlasanmu sungguh
Mengusik emosi dan perasaan
Kau jua pernah dipermainkan
Kini kau ingin aku
Membelai di jiwa

Walaupun kau bukan kekasih
Namun bukan sekadar teman biasa
Hadirmu membawa cahaya
Di hati nan terluka
Di antara cinta dan kasih
Apakah ada jurang pemisah
Hadirmu membawa cahaya
Di hati nan terluka... oh sayangku

Although you're not my lover
Yet you're not any usual friend
Your presence gives light
To the broken heart
In between love and care
Whats the border of separation
Your presence still bring light
To this broken heart of mine... oh my love

Scars Of Mine

2005-08-07T17:38:00.000+08:00

Scars Of Mine

Time Heals All Wounds,
Yet Scars Remain,
Idle Minds Never Cease to Reminiscince
The Joy and the Pain that forms the scars.

So many things I regret
So much memories i try to forget
Could it all be erased
Could it all be undone

The days and moments begin to fade
The life of mine begin to settle back
Yet none of it is forgotten
Who am I to blame but you and me

From the things that you've done
From the memories that we share
From the pain that I've gone through
I'm getting over you through time

Those wounds begin to heal
The memories begin to embed themselves to scars
Yet these scars reminds me that the past is real
The past that tore me down.

The past could be healed, but it'll never be forgotten. Life still goes on, memories lives on too.

What Kind of replacements should i buy for my hubby?

2005-07-26T12:52:00.000+08:00

Hmmh.. this is the scenario, my hubby computer have been zapped by lightning, which roasted his backbone and heart (motherboard and processor). Now, without his backbone, he can't move, worse still, without his heart, he couldn't even live. thats why i'm here saving up cash to get replacements for him.

I'm looking foward for Intel Pentium models. Coz i've had bad experiences with AMD, and I'm looking foward to different chipsets.

Thought of getting a Pentium IV 2.8 with Intel D915GAV (PCI-E, Built in VGA, Sound, LAN)motherboard. Nice eh? But I'm strictly out of budget. So gotta reconsider. Probably getting a lower end system, together with a shock resistor.

my poor HUBBIES.

simple plan - untitled

2005-07-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I guess, theres just definitely one point of your life that you realize all those mistakes that you've made, those problems you're facing... living a life of pressure and pain... desperate to survive from them. looking for directions , looking for someone or somewhere that we could depend on, and lay on. feeling sick of how life turns out to be from all those problems ... depress and sick of it.

Heavenly Father

2005-07-19T19:34:00.000+08:00

Here, my poem of my heavenly father...

Heavenly Father

my faith i have on to him
my life is what he granted me
my fate i trust only onto him
my future is only he who will foretell

the sacred book i believe and i trust
from the first page till the last
not a word i doubt
for every word from it are golden words from him

through my life its his grace for what i've achieved
through my hard times its he who have held me up
through my lonelines he came and held me in
through my happy times he have blessed and given me

there were times i question him
there were times i disobey him
there were times i afraid he'd forsake me
there were times i forget his grace

no matter how many times it is, he is always still here looking over me,blessing me

i wish not to sway away from your biddings
i wish i have not done what i have done
i wish not to go against your commands
i wish i have not like what desire for

my desires for matters that goes against forces of nature
my desires for doings that he forbids
my desires for the worldly things that i shouldn't be
my desires for being myself

he who have plans for me all the way
from birth to childhood to present to my death
if so then, am i created with such desires
desires that he would forbid me from

never would i question he who have been with me all my life
all i blame upon me myself
for its me who have brought myself up this way
and its me who do not heed his biddings

no matter what my life i still owe to him and he is my one and only heavenly father

Nobody

2005-07-18T13:22:00.000+08:00

when you are nobody, nobody wants to talk to you
when nobody wants to talk to you, then nobody cares
when nobody cares, that means you're a nobody
when you are nobody, then sit back and be a nobody

puffy eyes, puffy day

2005-07-14T15:47:00.000+08:00

i am having such puffy eyes today ~! not that i'm complaining, i have a very good and happy reason for it, which is worth it nevertheless! :) but i look dull, and bored with my puffy eyes. not my usual cheeky and jumpy personality tho.

its the weekend tomorrow. Anybody looking foward to it? geez, i'm looking foward for good sleep.

saw the news, train crashed hours ago. almost 150 innocent good citizens died. so sad for them. yet, another click, another suicide bomber bombed a US humvee, which meets its purpose.. but more than 20 kids died together! what the heck. the rest suffer from losing their limbs. one of the parent even saw how his kid's body got torn apart, as his heart and life tears apart altogether. what wrong with you people huh??? another few more clicks on the left of the google news, the london bombers suspects are britains. woah... deaths and deaths and more deaths... lives and families are torn apart, not because of mother nature, but humans ourselves. humans tears the human race apart. humans are making earth a terrible place to live on.

what would you do?

2005-07-12T20:06:00.000+08:00

if you have 2 weeks to live from now. what would you do?

die of what? erm .. whatever. probably suffering from some heart disease or in-curable sickness? what would you do?

~ Only Love ~

2005-07-11T15:23:00.000+08:00

Are you listening to the song my blog is playing? its a song named "Only Love" by TRADEMARK

2am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give my dreams just one more chance
To let this be our last goodbye

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

That's something only love can do

......................................

To me , the lyrics shows how unstable and insecure it is in a relationship. which relationship does not face problems? when facing problems, only what could hold them back? its the thousands year old word "love". Its only the bond and the love that they share could hold them back. There would be times when you'd question and have doubts, come together the insecurity... well if we learn to trust and learn to love. the decision to either try again, or just walk away.. relies only on love.

What type are you?

2005-07-08T14:12:00.000+08:00

i remember i took this very popular personality test. I was labelled a sanguine and also a silent person. ah.. how could both characteristic be totally opposites?

hmmh well.. i could be VERY talkative most of the times. sometimes yeah, centre of attention (not attraction.. sadly) but when i'm not in the mood of talking (mostly coz i have something on my mind, sleepy, bored, irritated, dull....) you won't hear me squeak even. i could be outgoing, active, but extremely shy (quote leisha : wicked shy). at certain matters, yeah. i am a risk taker... all my possession or someone very important to me or anything that matters a lot to me... (well those who knows me in person would know what i'm talking about here...) but would be a big coward in making first moves or certain things. though i'm easygoing and happy go lucky mostly, but i'm easily angered and irritated.. many would never know i'm a very temperamental person. hahaaa!!! yep i am. no doubt. flirtatious? ahahaa.. yep thats what written for being a libran. erm ... yeah i flirt a lot, but i don't go around being wild or anything. besides, its never easy for me to love someone or attracted to someone though. i love all kinds of vices except for drugs and smoking. anti smoker ! love gambling, drinking, clubbing... but i don't do that much. i prefer to tone myself down and have better reputation. i'm someone very easily influenced. so i better not do these much. am i wild? i don't think so. but maybe. at times. haahaaa.. i'm a weird person.

faces of horror...

2005-07-08T12:20:00.000+08:00

Here again, i'm at office waiting for mushrooms to sprout all over me while spiders tour around to build their traps from spider webs.

as i see how people walk around looking at me weirdly, i too return their gaze with total dullness and questioning.

as most people would term it Office politics. well to me its more of faces of horror. some would look at you with such friendly faces, looking as sweet and good as they could .. trying to create an image of them with a circle on top of their heads to you. but when you're out of sight, you're definitely not out of their minds! not because they miss you or have anything good to talk about you. as and when you turn your backs, two pointy ears start to pop up crushing their fake cricle on top, while their talke slowly come up from their back. then they'd reach to the back to hold their pointy red fork to poke you with criticisms and ways to twist yours and their words to their advantage. stepping on whatever weak points of yours to raise their stakes and profile. trying their best to sound innocent and low and victimized, while at the same time indirectly indicating how the rest are guilty of every wrongs and mistakes it is.

showering the superior with gifts and words of praise together with laughters. yeah laughters that brings pain to our ears. but pleasure to those that enjoy such deception. well, to me they are just pulling strings around. the superior wants them to be loyal and work for them, while they want to gain favor and authority over the rest. yeah, authority over lower grade people like me. still, the superior too need someone to look over us while not around, and a spy to eavesdrop at our matters. its such a game of politics and deception.

well, since i'm just a low grade citizen! i'll just be the audience too watch their drama.

Forgery...

2005-07-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

Forgery. I came to know this term during my CASE class today. The lecturer's explaination, lying about yourself, lying about your details.

It made me think. Who doesn't lie about themselves? Everyone has their own secrets and abnormalities that they hide from pry eyes of others. There are always something in everyone that they like to be kept within their own closets. just as long as it is not harmful.

nobody could be absolutely honest about themselves. its just how much percentage of yourself that you reveal to the others. what if theres certain attitude, behavior, characteristic or liking of yours that don't seem to be accepted by the society? do you blame yourself for hiding that part of you? is that a crime?

if forgery is lying about yourself, then everyone is guilty under it. an i for the matter of fact, being a very normal human being, am too. you're not? who dares to say that they are absolutely truthful about themselves to others?

fell off my scooter again...

2005-06-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

Geez, i fell off my scooter again. The traffic was bad this morning. The uncle riding in front of my scooter carelessly fell off his bike as he lose balance. Well, i was a little too close to him coz of the irritating traffic congestion... can't blame me. of course i won't want to run over him.. so i brake, but its still too fast and near him, so i fell too. again, my knees hit the road with my hands trying to hold back the weight from the road.

sucks! with blood all over my knees and hands. more wounds on myself.

Haiz ...

Humans ever satisfied?

2005-06-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

Time flies. Its as if to me I've just only left high school couple of months ago, but in reality its already five years since i bid my good byes to those irritating and loving teachers of mine.

Life, when you're younger, when you could not even decide on which hair cut to have, you wish you'd be older, earning your own money and making your own decisions. Yet when you have such authority over yourself already, you'd wish you could go back to those fun and free of worries life that you used to have as a kid.

Humans ever satisfied?

My Swollen EyE

2005-06-22T10:40:00.000+08:00

My left eye have been swelling since yesterday morning. But it only got worse this morning. The swelling spread to thi upper part of my eyes including my eye lids. It swelled, and my eye have to be kept closed. Hopefully it stops there and stop swelling.

sexy jolie

2005-06-21T22:42:00.000+08:00

who could disagree with me about the sexiness and beauty of angelina jolie? she make it a more permanent mark to us in the movie "mr and mrs smith" .

sexy, voluptuous and bootylicious jolie.

New Job

2005-06-19T12:17:00.000+08:00

well, life seems alright so far in my new job in a air-freight company. Anybody visiting my blog have worked in an air-freight company? or Logistic company? Buzz me and lets talk!

the maybank's delay of restoring the ATM machine service in penang is really irritating. i've been waiting for hours hanging around the atm machines to grab my green notes. my appologies to those customer service attendants, coz i've been calling and calling them to vent out my dis-satisfaction and anger about their poor service, WHICH in mind i know its not their fault, but what to do, they are the front lines to face with irritating customers like me.

i'm going to halt my video and wallpaper making creativity juice for these two weeks. Many issues and events are occupying my small brain. :)

Have been quite addicted to hanging out in the gym lately. i realized how going to gym improved my stamina. Last nite i was playing badminton with few of my friends. usually after the first hour of bumping around i'd be exhausted and lie down flat on the floor waiting for ambulance. but last nite, i was able to play for 3 hours with only short breaks. yet till the last minute i'm only tired (not exhausted) and sleepy. it feels really good.

Look~! My New Site

2005-06-11T18:49:00.000+08:00

http://bluedolphin.dragon-jade.com/index.htm

here i'm hosting all my stuff. things i made.. :) and again, none of this would be possible without piptech! thanks so much. http://piptech.tk

Quick Update on Myself

2005-05-28T12:28:00.000+08:00

It've been quite awhile since my last post. and since i need to get back to my books.. i'll have a quick recap!

~ my husband's backbone is toasted by mother nature. since my big purse is rather flat, it'll just have to wait till i get my next salary

~ watched a few films .. starwars 3 return of the sith, its not bad. interesting even for an anti space stuff girl like me. one missed call 2 is just slightly touching average. doesn't scare the shit out of me, yet it doesn't bore me to sleep. a few more which doesn't really bears much space on my mind.

~ still utterly obssessed with leisha hailey. have been watching and re-watching l word season 2. bought season 1 dvd.. and yeah, thanks to a kind friend, i've finally watched "all over me". its not a fantastic movie, but its fantastic because leisha is in it. am falling in love with leisha's group(murmurs)'s songs. (*would you take me for a walk, won't you wanna show me off* lolita la laaaa) its more of a fun rock songs. another kind friend sent me few live performance of theirs, which is such a blast!! but oh well.. i have to say when leisha is younger, i really don't know what shes thinking dressing up like .. i don't know. but still SHE IS HOT HOT HOT!
<<>>

~ it was my last day of work yesterday. felt quite happy with all the burden off my shoulders and all. BUT my boss deducted my salary! duh... duh! at my this situation he deduct my salary.. life and death of my husband ya know. whatever! that really makes my day tho. my colleague act up like such an ass just because of some minor mis-directions. felt like forcing her head down the mud and kick her down the drain. dork! :)

~ my hongkong friend supposedly have been sending me a dvd, but seems not reaching yet.

~ downloading loads of stuff of leisha! she was in one of these bmw (hey dude! even bmw look for her for commercials, whaddya think) its a funny clip with a cute girl! anyone want? let me know, i'll send it to you.

~ am very into drinking juices right now. almost one big box of em each day. since i'm drinking so much of it, i make sure its sugar free!!

@@ isn't she cute @@

~ exams is coming and i'm still data mining and resource mining on leisha not the books! hahaaa....

~ had a dream just now that i won rm500!!! let multiply that by ten !

^^ whats on my mind ^^

leisha hailey rocks
alice is so cute
feathery tattoo
genting highlands
my friend
definitely must watch madagascar right after my exams!
super scary movie "infection" is definitely must must watch! its by the same guy from the ring
someone would be borrowing me all 10 seasons of friends! Yummy !
need to retrieve back both my husband's dead corpse
may god bless my exams... this time i'm totally deep shit. god's grace and blessing is very needed. please pray for me. o:o)

:: The L- Word ::

2005-05-05T16:23:00.000+08:00

Here I come again! Wallpapers of ALice and Dana that I've made. Alice and Dana (leisha hailey and erin daniels) and also Bette and Tina (Jeniffer Baels and Laurel) from the tv series "the l word" .

I have a website to host them now .. at http://bluedolphin.dragon-jade.com

Gia Marie Carangi (1970 - 1996)

2005-04-16T18:21:00.000+08:00

Here I'd like to dedicate this blog article to GIA CARANGI. A young superb model which is one of the first few girls who died of Aids.

I came across about her from the movie entitled "gia" which shots about her life... well as usual, when you die, you get a movie about you. :)

Shes a beauty, and personally i feel she looks very very much better than Angelina jolie.. or i should say, different type of beauty. Angelina is sexy, voluptous, classic, exotic... and gia is wild, innocent, mature, angry...

Well, she had some family problems, and probably mentally un balanced due to loneliness, loveless...etc. Took in a lot of heroin and other different other drugs. which is what ruined her life. she was so into all these that she came in and out of those rehab of drugs without success. she got back to modelling, but she lost herself so deep into this drug addiction, that she couldn't get her life back in order ... but finally once she was free of all these drugs, she got back working as a sales assistant selling jeans. man... a supermodel, which once earns millions, selling jeans! i'm sure she went thru a lot and all... but then, found out that she had aids. which at that time, and till now is still uncurable. during those times, she is the first few woman which had aids.. and its really a pity. she died not long after.

I'm sad to see how a beauty drown herself with all these vices, she could have still be alive if her friends and family shows her care and love.

Her death words ... A poetry of Life And Death

Life and Death
energy and peace
if i stop today it is still worth it
even the terrible mistakes that i have made
and would have unmade if i could
the pains that have burned me and scarred my soul
it was worth it
for having been been allowed to walk where i walked
which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth
back again, into, under
far in between ,through it
in it and above

Swat 4 : Special Weapon And Tactics

2005-04-15T13:58:00.000+08:00

Guys , Girls ! What am I up to lately? Anybody into games? I've been hanging on my SWAT 4! Anybody played that before?? Its much better than the prequel, when you compare it with sound and graphics, but gameplay wise.. not much difference, in fact i prefer the controls from SWAT 3 ! Every game content site is giving the game rating of 9.0 over 10.. but for me, i'm only giving it a 8.5!! Why? Ok, not becoz i've been anihilated million times, neither was it that i was shot by those ass criminals on the butts.. but i just feel the gameplay is too slow and edgy. not much of enthusiasm and excitement. couldn't really got me adicted (yeah, and i've spent five hours stucked at the game already.. only!).

" Hey dude, whatcha looking at! Never seen a Men In Black Before??? Get around or i shoot ya ass! "

Cool Dolphin Artwork!

2005-04-14T22:35:00.001+08:00

Heys everyone! Check out this artwork...

Its drawn, designed and made by my all talented and creative Pal from China ... Applause Applause (drum rolls) ... Innocent Sin!!

Life Without My E398

2005-04-12T12:38:00.000+08:00

Life without My E398 handphone.. haiz... its so sad. as my E398 lay dead on the table. poor thing. I wonder what his last thoughts.. hahaaa...

his last thoughts must be buzz buzz .. zzzz.. hahaa

Death of My E398 ...

2005-04-11T22:17:00.000+08:00

Death of my E398 .. one of my closest and my most loved possession... died today. He was still alive when my dad viciously toss him into the washing machine, where he was drowned alive!!!! should i report my dad to the cops for the murder? Aaaah.... how could my dad be so cruel!!!! Killing my most loved... sob sob...

Christina millian - Believer

2005-04-10T17:17:00.000+08:00

Here I introduce to you a powerful song sang by Chrisina Milian in the movie "Be Cool". A song about how we should believe in ourselves. Really good inspiring song! And its written by the all cool Alicia Keys! Awesome Queen of RNB with an attitude baby! I should've guessed it... its such a Alicia Keys song type and man, if she would have sang it, its gonna be so much better!

Christina Milian - Believer ( Be Cool )

Life Is What You Make It
At least that's what they say
Well I think im gonna make it
Fulfill my dreams one day
I feel this fire growing deep inside of me
Im so inspired knowing that its my destiny

I breathe like a champion
I dream im a champion
I see im a champion
Its meant to be
My wills getting stronger
I cant wait any longer
Im singing a song that's inside of me
Cuz im a believer
I know that I can make it
No matter what they say
So im a believer
The Future is Now
It starts today

I keep my head up

Everyday im waiting
Trying to find the patients
So close I can taste it..But sometimes its so hard
But imma keep on pushing
And Imma keep on fighting
And imma keep on trying because I come to far

I breathe like a champion
I dream im a champion
I see im a champion
Its meant to be
My wills getting stronger
I cant wait any longer
I'm singing a song that's inside of me
Cuz im a believer
I know that I can make it
No matter what they say
So im a believer
The Future is Now
It starts today

The Future is now ..It Starts Today

Butterfly Wallpaper!

2005-04-03T15:44:00.000+08:00

Butterfly, Starred Josie Ho, Tian Yuan, Eric Kot and directed by Mak Mak Yan

please comment~!

Whats up with me lately?

2005-04-02T19:53:00.000+08:00

Hmmh ..

Rushing my string long Assignments <>

Angry of my stolen Addidas Shoes which i bought less than a month ago

Addicted to a movie called "Butterfly" starred josie ho and Tian Yuan

Having a lot of deep thoughts on the past

Bought Edifier x600 really good bass with good treble sound

New Packard Bell keyboard replacing my previous keyboard with faulty space bar and dirt every corner of it

Tasting and smelling my bottle of carls... hmmmh...

Addicted to starbucks' hot Macchiato... brr...

Stomach Ache...

here .. some photos from the movie "butterfly". The music of the movie is really nice too.

u say, "lesbian flick?" yeah .. so ? i have no problem with that. i'm quite attracted to "tian yuan" the young girl. she's rather cute to me, rather than the flirtative role she played in the movie. Besides, she's very talented. a composer, singer and actress! grabbed a "best breakthrough award" in HKFILM awards two weeks ago in her first movie ! what else could you say?

How Someone or Something could change You...

2005-03-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

I've been having these thoughts for quite sometime but just haven't blog it. I've discussed about this with a few friends last time, but they don't seem to agree with me.

i feel, how someone or something happens depends on some other events or some other actions that have happened before. and what happens depends on events and actions of others. for example, if this kid was not treated with proper upbringing, he may have been developed into a different person, and different things happens to him then. blame the parents? yes, but not fully. blame the kid? yes, but not completely either. its all a combination of different events that happens to someone. and whatever that happens depends on every other things. do you understand what i'm talking about? er... taking the same scenario, lets say if the mom chose a richer dad or a different guy.. then this kid may not be existing at all. and without this kid's existence, things could happen differently. imagine if bill gates' mom have not chosen his dad, and his existence does not even exist! would computers be such a hit now? would i be so indulge with computers? would i have the chance to be blogging over here???? or IF gates' parents were so poor, or something happened to them that they throw this kid out of the house, then i bet he would not have the chance to be introduced to computers, and microsoft still wouldn't have existed!

if i have chosen to take LCCI instead of NCC when i was filling up the form one of the IPG's staff handed to me, I may not be blogging over here! I may be spending my time flirting with multiple guys and having many boyfriends enjoying fidelity... my character may have changed together with the path that i've chosen. my fate may have change accordingly too.. i may not have met someone.. and my life won't be as wrecked up. or probably worse.. if i chose LCCI, i may have chosen a worse person, and got myself pregnant? and what made me choose my education or path? if i don't have the opportunity to own a computer when i was in form four, i may not have chosen IT... and or if my dad is so poor, or he couldn't pay up all his debts.. or his decision to gamble all his money out, i may not have a computer! doesn't everything relates to one another???

lets talk about love life too... of course the people you meet for sure would change you in future. your perception of how a relationship should be, or how a relationship means to you would change whole-ly. and how you see guys/girls all your life could turn upside down in just months or weeks. first, let me phrase.. real relationships and puppy relationships ( not love.. coz love is something more indepth to me). puppy relationships made me feel that i need to have someone that could really care and know me in person, and someone i could spend time with. someone i would miss. probably IF ... without these puppy relationships, i may not have this perception of relationships or my guy, rite? and i may not choose these guys which meant so much to me right? or IF guys are not so notorious for their fidelities...i may have different perception with guys.. or if i didn't have this past experience of mine, i may have accepted someone ... then i may have been able to make a difference to someone's life? theres one guy which suits me quite well, enjoyed his company a lot, share similar interests and felt touched by how he cared with calls each night, gifts that he gives me is always the right ones that i like, his english ed.. but his similarity with someone.. with all the descrimination and be-littering someone, his coldness towards others, his smartness... just makes me sad and puke. if i have met him first, would things be the same? maybe he or i could make a difference in each other's lives. meeting someone could make vast difference in your life. not only in relationships.. but what that person shares with you.. his or her experiences or advice, could have prevented you doing something that may benefit or disadvantages you.. rite?

Settlers : Heritage Of Kings

2005-03-25T08:20:00.000+08:00

Settlers : Heritage of Kings.

The new sequel of settlers series. I'm totally smitten by this game, coz its my all time favorite. it takes up new direction with heroes that somewhat brings similarity with warcraft 3. Their characters and buildings are not as cute as they used to be, but still maintained their originality. Still, i'm totally into this game

Sandra sandra sandra.. la la la...

2005-03-25T01:15:00.000+08:00

Miss Congeniality 2!

What would I rate for this movie ? of coz at least a 8 out of 10! why? coz its one of my favorite movies, starred and produced by my sexy chick and its absolutely my kind of movie. yep! what do you think of the movie? just one word. FABULOUS.

Its by my own opinion, its not as hilarious as the the previous movie, but its definitely the most hilarious movie i've watched in 2005 so far.

Yep yep.. i'm currently again in my sandra bullock mood. please bear with me. I've spend sometime looking for articles about her... and i found a few nice pictures of her in both sexy and also girl next door style. Though fourty now, but she is absolutely awesome. I'm not very well versed with photos like my friend Adrian (well, he posts really nice photos on his blog @ http://pygmyseahorse.blogspot.com) here are a few i found from SandraBullock Central.

please, spend few minutes to read this article of an interview with Sandra Bullock of the March Issue of First Magazine. Her philantrophic, down to earth, sweet and humor is what makes her so fabulous and one of my favorite actress! I like her for the same reasons of why i like ricky martin. Goodwill, sweet, polite, head leveled with the floor and down to earth.
Sandra Bullock @ First Magazine

don't you just love her?

18sg

2005-03-23T17:30:00.000+08:00

Almost my whole knee was stitched. grewlsome huh... eek... couldn't bear to see my knee so ugly either. i could almost imagine how it is gonna look like after it recovers, anyways, i don't think its gonna recover so soon.

Lower part of my knee, the skin seems to have lost its sensitivity veins or something. it doesn't seem to feel anything. probably the skin was left beared for too long, and the veins was exposed for too long? i wonder.

Still I thank Lord for his blessings, it may have been worse. I still believe, god may have allowed this event to happen to prevent something worse to happen in future. No matter how obnoxious and rebellious and naughty i was, thank god for still laying his eyes and blessings on me. :) don't be mistaken, i'm not a holy person, but i believe in god.

Scarred Scars

2005-03-22T23:55:00.000+08:00

Scars that remains on my skin reminds me only pain, but scars that remains within neverthelessly reminds me of the past.

... blab blab blab...

there are so many scars on me myself. geez. here is one of the newest scar, that have just only recovered, which i'm working on using harry potter's magic wand to dissappear it!

its on my left arm. its existence came around on my first bike accident. there are three of em on my left arm, while another one more on my right arm. well... a new power is arising.. and a new scar is arising on my right knee. waiting to be seen...

Wounded Knee

2005-03-19T14:40:00.000+08:00

wanna see how my knee is bandaged? hmmh.

doesn't look serious from here. yep. well, when you open up that bandage, geez, it looks like scars of frankenstein or some kinda horror movie. man! Hopefully they don't take me in as a freak in the guiness book of record. haahaa..

CuteDolphin!

2005-03-19T14:37:00.000+08:00

Heys check out this cute dolphin necklace my friend bought me! its really cute. :) Hopefully as what he proclaims that it could shoo off all the bad luck off.

W-O-M-B-A-T

2005-03-19T14:35:00.000+08:00

Anybody know whats the meaning of WOMBAT? An interesting word! :) Waste Of Money,Brains and Time!

Good word to describe ... tut! hahaa...

Movies Galore

2005-03-18T10:16:00.000+08:00

Hmmh. Recently i've watched quite a number of movies. From downloads and also from cinema...Here is another..

THE PACIFIER

Hmmh the only attraction of the movie is seeing vin diesel being the nanny. yeah, the guy which parachooted from hundreds storeys high, hop from jet ski to another, drive those 'need for speed' cars... whoopie!

the movie is not bad. kinda funny in some parts of the movie but its not as interesting i'd expect it to be though.

HITCH

Will Smith is the most suitable actor for this role. he is by himself, tall, handsome, cute and charming. well, who else then to be a charmer? and he is also a good talker himself too.

In the movie, due to his first failure in his first relationship, he promised himself not to fall in love again, and with only one principle to pin on about relationships, its about tactic and its only a game. probably just trying not to let himself fall so deeply again. and as movies always happens .. coz in movies everything is a fairytale and coincidential... he start to fall again for the heroine. in the movie he also assisted a chubby man to go after a wealthy celebrity woman which succeeded.. overall, the movie is not bad, at a scale of 10, i'd give 6.

Million Dollar Baby

Its by far, the best movie i've ever watched in this 2005. How the movie goes about, how she try to get clint's attention so that he could train her. how he fear of betrayal after one of his best boxer went off with another manager... how he take cautious steps for his boxer to achieve success.. the story line is meaningful and in-depth. Ooh... hilary swank's body is ... WOW ... man, she really trained up for the movie man. much better than lara croft's. when clint tries to fix her broken nose, EEWWLLL... thats disgusting. i hate the ending, its such a tear jerker in the end.

i'd give this movie a 9 out of 10.

there are still few more which i've watched this month... yeah i've watched almost 6-7 movies in only like 2 -3 weeks. :) movies is my ... third life.

SePeT

2005-03-18T03:50:00.000+08:00

I'm amazed that a malaysian production movie would be this good. its not really a big bang movie with big bucks of production, but its touching and funny. the malay girl sharifah is really cute! really!! the way she talk and her gestures makes her so charming, especially when she speaks chinese. hehee... she is pretty, cute , young and lovely. sweet gal.

the comedic act of her dad makes the movie funnier. mixing three languages into the movie makes me feel the movie is unique and cultural.

yawn yawn.. i'm sleepy . goodnite

CLOSER

2005-03-18T03:31:00.000+08:00

I must say i am suprised that Natalie portman took up the role of a striptese in this movie. she almost bear out her whole body even her .. she acted almost like a real one too! Julia Roberts is awesome in it. Hmmh guys would probably support natalie more because of how bear and sexy she is in the movie, but if you're looking in acting skills, man, julia was awesome. i mean, she could actually be or act whatever role she is appointed for. she is a graceful, mature, sweet 'woman' which couldn't resist her love at first sight, which made her cheated on her husband clive. and clive looks so much like a sex monster in it... geez such contrary with his role as king arthur.. well though both roles he get to smooch and yum yum with young sexy good looking girls. this movie shows how love could be taken so easily, betrayal is happening everywhere and sex is just what guys seek for. its like seeing how this world is in reality. not a bad movie though. entertaining and lusty!! love to see natalie bear too ... hahaa

Taking care of Myself...

2005-03-18T03:20:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i really have a lot of deep thoughts which i wanted to write about but whenever i get to my computer, this thoughts of mine just vanished. but this wasn't though..

taking care of myself. well... just reminds me how someone used to always tell me, why you just don't know how to take care of your self. well he continued with how i could rely and be taken care of my him, but laters ended up criticizing me for depending on him too much and this and that.

yeah, i just don't seem to be able to take care of myself. i never know why. i always hurt myself. its as if my body or my welfare doesn't mean as much to me. or i just don't know how to take care myself... or its just i am too easygoing that i just let things happen without worrying? :)

though i realize that walking around too much may cause the stitches on my wound to loosen or tear apart, but i still walk around my house, hopping here and there ... went over to my friend's place for games and all. though many have reprimanded and adviced me not to take certain food to prevent my wounds to swell, but i just simply take in whatever that looks yummy. probably i just don't priotize my things properly.

moments during my critical accident

2005-03-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

since i'm already typing over here on my computer, its just too obvious that everything is alright already. yep, had around 12-14 stitches on my knee...

during those moments, what was i thinking? i was holding myknee... praying to god for my safety and that the pain would go off... then wishing and hoping theres this one person .... would came around to hold me, ensuring me things is going to be fine, hugging me..which i know its impossible.... then again i pray that its not going to be so much pain and for forgiveness ... haiz haiz... then my pillow! i need to hold my pillow.. its like having a very close person with me... hugging... eases my pain.

then .. i was curious why my parents haven't arrived yet. hmmh .. then looking at my so helpful friends .. i was grateful that they're here for me. :)

then again.. gosh.. its painful. my knee.. my skin.. haiz haiz...

As what they say..

2005-03-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

as what they say, humans are always creatures which never taste fear until they experience the down fall or pain or the result of the mistake.

... to be continued

Traffic Accident...

2005-03-07T19:57:00.000+08:00

i was on my scooter, as usual.. riding at probably 80mph..riding my way back home. as the road clears up, i twist the handle pedal (dunno what its called) on a quick turn, then suddenly this big irritating most annoying waja car (see! i sure have a reason to hate waja!) slip his way out of his queue without signalling his direction... i held my brakes quickly but to no avail, as my front tyre knock on the back of the sucker waja bearing a loud noise, quickly i pulled away my scooter ... blah blah... before i know it.. i'm rolling on the road while my sweet baby flied foward and smashed about a metre away from my body. what was my only thought at that time? SHIT! and just hoping and praying that i'm still alive.. can't blame me.. since i heard and saw so many bike accidents which ended up in coffins. i pulled myself up after a few seconds. seeing my blood dripping all over, i quickly walk to my hubby to check if its still working. luckily it is... looking around seeing all those cars and bikes stopped looking at me.. feeling so embarassed, i quickly ride on my scooter and moved on... not long after only i experience the pain on my knee and my hands... then .. my poor baby's bruises. sob sob. geez... luckily i'm still alive. but well its the worst accident i had...

Oh my hubby...

2005-03-02T00:05:00.000+08:00

I was on my way down to an appointment after my class today, not aware that my petrol was running low.. or should i say TOTALLY EMPTY! I was.. oh no no no.... hubby oh hubby .. don't you make those noise.. don't you fail me... and ta da! the front lights blacked out and my scooter totally stopped right there and stubbornly refuse to budge an inch. oh my... luckily its disobedience and stubbornness took place at a well lit road near my college. hehee.. ok.. the breakdown is all becoz of me! of my absentmindedness.. as usual. as i was praying to my heavenly father, he sent me few good samaritans which offered assistance to me.. a poor petit girl. a few came, but it is late night and i don't think its safe for me to follow any of them around especially on a deserted road. fortunately not long after i managed to push it to the main road where the only road in penang you never want to cross during after work hours. this charming handsome cute guy.... oooh no no.. thats just only my imagination ..ok, a sweet looking uncle came over and offered to buy me some petrol to feed my hubby so many times that i finally cease to refuse. hmmh well at heart he is a charming handsome cute prince to me! hahaa .. coz he is such a good samaritan! i returned double the price of the petrol to him, but he refused.. after few minutes of pushing and pulling of my few pieces of blue color notes, he finally accepted a few bucks just enuff for the petrol. god bless the good samaritan! and thank god for sending him to my assistance.

MahJong!!!

2005-02-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

3 maniacs including me, yawning the way through to break record of playing 13 hours of mahjong! Geez, and the fantastic part is... no cash is involved! "... whats up to you three kiddos huh? play 13 hours of mahjong and yet no gamble! stressing and shortening your lifespan for nothing!" YEP! for what? er.. hey its one of our chinese greatest invention! hahaa.. well the game is really fun and mind boggling. one of my favorites now. besides, i'm the one and only big winner triumphing the whole 13 hours of mahjong!

Happy Chinese New Year!

2005-02-09T13:19:00.000+08:00

Its 1240pm over here on the first day of Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year To Everybody!

Chor Dai Dee

2005-02-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

Our day at coffee bean, again Chor Dai Dee...

2005-02-08T22:08:00.000+08:00

The eye of Sauron! hahaaa... no no its the eye of BlueDolphin .. ho ho ho...
Looking for something?

RETURN OF PORKY!!!!

2005-02-08T03:22:00.000+08:00

Welcome back the return of my PORKY!!! I lost it few months ago...Thanks to the same guy who gave it to me few months back, he found my cute porky!! :)

But porky, you seem different. Usually those which have been kidnapped would end up thinner and shabbier, but you seem alrite and bigger! fatter even! Geez... you must have met some generous rich kidnapper.

Anyways, thankie thanks. OoOohhh Love my Porky!

2005-02-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

More cool photos of Brigette... wow.. she still looks cool to me. man.. my all time sweetie.. hahaa tho she is old enuff to be my mom .. hahaa

I might be doing a wallpaper of her!!!!

Photobucket

2005-02-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

My Childhood Heroine / Favorite !

2005-02-06T19:46:00.000+08:00

Here I bring you my all time favorite actress...

Brigette Lin Chin Hsia !!!!!!!!

Without You = Clay Aiken & Kimberley Locke

2005-02-05T03:16:00.000+08:00

Clay Aiken:
Never even thought to cry
When I heard you say good bye
Never said where you were going
There's no laughter in the air
Only silence everywhere
And so much left unspoken
Since you've been gone
I haven't been the same
I wish that I could see
Who's to blame

Without you
Where do I belong
Without you
How can I go on?
No love but yours
Will ever due
Tell me how am I
Supposed to live my life
Without you?

Kimberley Locke:
Was I lost in you and me
To the point I couldn't see
That what we had was dying
Now it's all that I can do

Both:
To see photographs of you

Kimberley Locke:
And stop myself from crying
I should learn to live
Without your love

Both:
Got so many memories
But it's not enough

Without you
Where do I belong
Without you
How can I go on
No love but yours
Will ever due
Tell me how am I
Supposed to live my life
Without you

Clay Aiken:
I feel helpless
And oh so all alone

Kimberley Locke:
Like I've never felt before

Both:
You made me feel alive
But I don't remember
What it's like anymore

Without you
Where do I belong
Without you
How can I go on
No love but yours
Will ever due
Tell me how am I
Supposed to live my life
Without you

Knock Knock !

2005-02-05T03:08:00.000+08:00

exams over and its CHINESE NEW YEAR!

2005-02-05T02:28:00.000+08:00

Exam is over for almost a week now!

what did i do after that? well, less than 10 hours after that i'm already on my way driving 140kmh heading to genting for Michael Learns to Rock Concert!!! want a proof of it ?

Yeah its kinda blur, i know. what do you expect from my camera phone taking from around 90ft away! but the concert was awesome. it wasn't that interesting until the middle part where the audience went psycho (including me) dancing around hyping up on the songs. Its only when they start to sing their older ballads the crowd start to react. its my first concert, and its great! looking foward to go for other new concerts! coz the mood and the hype is really cool. reminds me of avril and simple plan! heard that they'll be having concert at KL. la la laaa... my regret that i didn't go for linkin park and alicia keys' concerts!! :(

cheeky me! heheee...

yep posing and snapping while waiting for my colleague to rob the bank while i drive. heheezz... whatcha peeps think? heheee... this new camera phone of mine makes things so much more convenient!

wanna see our penang's 'leng lui' sweet drink? some kinda desert which is made known located at gelugor!

love to drink em! its cheap sweet and BIG! hahaaa...

wished i'd have snapped a photo of the chips at the casino!!! man... when i was at genting, seeing how people throw hundreds and thousands of cash down on that green table makes me feel so little and small. phew... whewww... its my two years salary on that green table with just five minutes of spinning that roulette thingie. and less than two minutes the... guy/girl swept down one and half years of my salary down to mr lim's pocket. and whenever theres chips which is mine that the lady sweeps down, my heart just dug gak dug gak.. then ... tu..... ahahaaa ...

Wrap up On my past few days..

2005-01-25T19:09:00.000+08:00

Just finished my Object Oriented exam yesterday. I wouldn't say its hard, but they're talking alien language coz i don't really know what they're asking. or i should say erm.. nothing i've studied of. erm...

but well at least i do spend effort studying for the last few days. here's my evidence!

yep! brew station.. studying studying.

during my BORING HOURS...

playing around with my camera phone. shrugs, look at those puffy eyes of mine!!!!! sleepy and boring eyes. fluffy cheeks... hahaaa have been sitting and eating too much while studying.

yum yum.. just finished slurping my soup. Yummy soup! creamy chicken soup with shredded tuna and egg. PLUS some margarine! tastes good? well.. they don't call me chef for nothing. heheezzzz

reminiscing the past...

2005-01-25T17:48:00.000+08:00

after some conversation with a cute old time pal of mine.. reminds me of something that never erases from my mind yet could not be taken away...

ever heard of the song "brandy-have you ever" ? well.. its what at times i asked myself. yeah.. was there before. but don't wish to return to there anymore.

as i see my friend .. found her new true love (which everyone first thinks it would be).. as she kept on telling me how her new boyfriend treat her so well... how she see the fire of love in him.. just reminds me how it was when i was really loving someone. as we were talking.. or she was talking at the coffee house.. i realized she've been blabbing about her angel from the skies for almost two hours! as my eyes try to search for something to catch her eye to pull her away from the paradise that shes describing.. my mind race back to how it was when i was with him. then how was it when we kid around and fool around like big overgrown kids. then my mind hops further to the past of a boy which is so cute and sensitive, shyly how he poke at my nose and pull me around as i push him reluctantly. these two.. but biasly i gave one my everything blindly, but returned with such ill treatment that never fails to bring tears to my eyes. why do i love him blindly? partly regrets of my childishness from the previous and partly how i trust him...

before him i regret not putting in enough for someone and not holding it tight.. after him, i regret too much for being so blinded.

doubtful that i would ever be in that situation anymore. some may blame my heart is cold .. well then probably i'm just looking for someone that could warm it back for me.

Morning Blues... = Brew Station =

2005-01-22T01:19:00.000+08:00

Woke up... had a dream last night. Is it a pleasant dream? Well..had a dream of someone thats almost most important to me, but doesn't result in much of a pleasant dream. probably i think too much.

well.. i was at brew station yesterday for almost 7 hours! hope the waiter and waitress there won't curse me too much. had a few glasses of coffees and soup. though i must say, the price of their servings is averagely high compared to other local coffee-house outlets, but they are of quality and tasty. the food so far is quite nice, and the ice-blended coffees that i had not only smells good, but also tastes good. its our new hang-out area for card games, chatting and books.

Hugh Jackman to play the role of Mr BOND! That cute yet stylish hunk playing as bond? Hunky hunk! To join the x-men fun, the guy playing as cyclops would be taking up the role of christopher reeve's legendary role.. SUPERMAN! Something more for these celebrity news? yep.. the Pitts broke up! Brad Pitt and Jeniffer Aniston broke up... coz of..? angelina jolie? or some internal conflicts? Maybe.. well jeniffer moved out of the mansion they shared. poor jeniffer...

Ahem.. Am i blogging for some celebrity magazine? nops nops. i was just flipping through some magazines and reading some interviews.

okies. i'm hungry. better go find my survival kit.

AnyBody Up FOR ChorDaiDee(big2) ?

2005-01-21T03:27:00.000+08:00

Yawn yawn... hahaa.. just came back from a midnight round of ChorDaiDee... our Asian chinese's favorite card game! Pro-s in it could own lavish houses and cars, but rookie-s like me... gamblers=beggars. hahaa!

well, here we are at a coffee-house somewhere ivory homes which is located exactly opposite USM and friendly neighbour of their hostel, SIPS.

This is the result of 3 glasses of well brewed coffees! up whole nite chor dee-ing. sleepy eyes with fighting spirit! hahaa..

Leader Optic.. SuX company~!

2005-01-20T17:45:00.000+08:00

a glance to the front of my office, dozens of boxes from Leader Company! Shocked! Whyz there so many boxes of em.. after lengthy or interrogation of of my colleague, she told me its the cables they supply for their site's expansion. cheh! site expansion.. so what ? they have such bad human judgement. their general manager is blind to promote that cruel bastard to be their sales manager. SALES MANAGER ... HA!!! my colleague yet to add in that .. oooh they are a big company. they are expanding.. BULL SHIT.. stupid stupid company. never like anything about that company. probably everyone over there is of zero level conscience and never has a line for good or bad... ergh.. sorry for blabbing so much of these rubbish.

ok.. time to go back home now ! ta ta...

bad traffic at penang bridge

2005-01-20T16:40:00.000+08:00

where am i now? home! what time is it now? its within office hours! why am i at home? coz i'm ... no no .. not snaking. haha .. don't get me wrong ok. I'm just back here to grab my stuff and leave my cell phone to be re-charged.

bad traffic today at the penang bridge! while on my way down to the mainland of malaysia, there seems to be a huge accident on the other road across... the traffic police totally halted the road at that direction. phew.. luckily i'm not on that side. while on the way back around 4pm, theres another accident along my direction. geez.. just less than 2 hours drive on this bridge, i witnessed 4 accidents. hmmh better drive safely.

visited a few nice talking customers. with smiling faces but eagle eyes and ears to poke at your every mistake to their advantage. geez.

ops. better get back to office.

Boring to stay in-Office

2005-01-19T20:15:00.000+08:00

Geez... being out most of my working hours, staying at office the whole day today really bores me to hell.

I was flipping through the name cards i collected through my sweat and blood, tick tock tick tock... shit.. its only 10 minutes after the last time i look up to the clock. brbb... replied some emails,typed some replies on my msn... geez... its only 6 minutes from the last time i look. time crawls when you're bored.

ya know wat? i took photos of my work table! wanna see?

see that blur cute lil creature? Hahaa... it looks just like me! B-L-U-R! Hehees.. love its eyes. the monkey beside it is one given to me from a friend. its from those mcdonalds happy happy meals.

that baby is also from those happy meals when "The incredibles" was still on airing in the cinemas. And you know what? I have the whole collection of 'em! YUP YUP. that two sleeping piglets are so cute!! that snowman is one of my fave. it sits inside the thingy with snow flying around when ya shake it. love it!! that doggie photo frame.. hmmh love it from the first sight! i bet my friend would love it! so i bought me and him one! both of us shares the same passion for dogs. doggies doggies!

ok, don't get me wrong... definitely i could not squeeze all these into my office's worktable. these three are taken from my home's computer table. first of it are a few bears and mice being stucked together in a small cell ... that cute lady bear that is holding a small photo of me.. is bought from Cameron Highlands. Brings me so much memories, yet i don't wish to be reminded of. then theres that cute lil spiderman with big stuffy swollen eyes thats hiding in the dark... given to me by a very special friend. LOVE BUGS! yep.. love bugs sitting on top of my monitor... yet never brings me any love luck. chezz.. then theres a papa dog and a baby dog.

Exams is near, yet I've to work...

2005-01-19T20:10:00.000+08:00

Geez.. exams is so near. counting it up, its only 5 days to go to my exam day...

If there is such thing call justice ?

2005-01-19T14:38:00.000+08:00

If there is such thing call justice.. why does the bad guys continue to prosper? I just couldn't believe it!!! How can a *&^%$ be so successful? Promoted to be the Sales Manager of Leader Optical !! ?? How could that be? Someone which has zero level of guilt, zero level of conscience... and a cheater! don't his company know how he bribe.. how he cheat .. lie.. make use of company's resource to do all those bad things? how he insults and criticize the current general manager and the previous general manager? how he ... ERGGH....

Knowing that really kills my day and mood. its just not fair. he should be flushed away by the sea waters during the tsunami disaster. he should be dead!!!! should be doomed to hell.

Finally ...

2005-01-16T18:16:00.000+08:00

After days of HARD-WORK and without sleep... i've finally finished up both my assignments for one week. My heartfelt gratitude to my good pal for spending the whole week helping me out in the assignment. Thankie Thanks.

Days of not sleeping really kills me. Slept almost 14 hours today. I dropped dead on my bed like a dead corpse.

Chinese New Year is COMMING!!!! Everybody is in the MOOD! everyone is having fun fun fun! Happy Happy...How bout me? geez... me too for a while. i'm happy that its HOLIDAYZ.. well memories of past years' Chinese new year keeps probing in my head.. brings me down all the time. Memories of .. suckie things. throw that away!!!

buying new clothes everyone? i'm hoping to buy some.. but BANKRUPT BANKRUPT. saw some nice clothes at some department stores, tap tap on my purse... hmmh.. no no.. u gotta save for end of the month! :)

Hmmh anybody watched Shania Twain's - Don't mtv or song? its good! it reminds me how much i wish i could say to someone... but yet. well.. life just have too many phases in life.. and there are such events which you wish it never happened or regret on.

Wow.. had my brunch at "Victoria Station". Had my Sizzling Steak! And it tastes great. my friend sitting opposite me had his Oyster Steak. Hmmh his tasted better than mine. but oh well.. mine is SIZZLING enuff tho.. HAHAA. had chicken soup too. yummy yummy. well.. i'd rate 7 over 10 for the restaurant.

hmmh anyone knows mah jong? i'm going to learn up the game.. probably during chinese new year.

theres possibility i'll be heading to genting for MLTR CONCERT!! hippie hippie! and again thanks to my friend. yep yep. anybody interested to chip in? well the car could probably able to fit in one more! :)

hungry... stomach growling...

Exams around the sharp pointy corner now...

2005-01-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

exams are coming .. its already at the doorstep!!!! and i'm sitting in front of my computer watching mtv.. chatting... playing around my cute phone...

er... exams.. the word of it makes me sleepy..MORE EFFECTIVE THAN SLEEPING PILLS. it just instantly shuts my brain and meaning of life out. HAHAAA....

sorry about the dull blog skin .. will be changing it back to something more interesting after i get back my own life after my exam is done.

sleepy.. okies. better get back to my books...ONLY FIRST CHAPTER.. HAIZ

MeMoRiEs PAINS...

2005-01-11T01:17:00.000+08:00

... memories of the past... past bruises and hurt and pain ... though its left as scar, but it just keeps coming back to ruin your day

Sick Day

2005-01-05T19:54:00.000+08:00

Geez... I have been coughing and coughing till my throat burns. duh! It was so embarassing when my colleague was explaining to the director of this so called company while i kept on coughing and coughing. I quickly dashed off the room to avoid uncomfortable stares from my colleague as she kicked my knee to signal "buzz off!". Cruel world? no.. its CORPORATE WORLD.

Lazily following my colleagues around the factory area looking for potential new customers to start the new year. It seems small factories doesn't care much about their security... they just let us in without any need of verification of who we are or where we're from... Besides, the machineries that the company is using looks expensive and their parts are just lying around the floor waiting for any passers by to kick.

:: coughing coughing... checking the tissue if theres blood.. luckily nops..

geez gotta start off my assignment...

hmmh sometimes it seems to me guys could only talk or text you telling how worried they are on you but yet never takes action...? theres this guy which keeps on telling me how important i am to him and how worried he is about my sickness... but yet? never care to give a call or text me about it. said wanted to take me to see doctor.. but naaa... after work.. no news of him. yeah he is delayed in work for a while, but doesn't even make a call or text me about taking me to see doctor. is that so caring? hmmh .. not to me. thats what they say, talk is cheap. for these guys which doesn't care or take in action ... i never would even blink an eye or consider to be my future who so ever. sometimes i just want to tell him to stop hoping. coz i don't think i want to give him chance or hope anymore. best for both parties. i never like guys which doesn't 'cheok ken' (cares or concern) about me.

Poor me. got to skip class to finish up assignments... and mainly due to my fever too.

Sick sick Sick

2005-01-04T17:16:00.000+08:00

Bad day today. Suffering from sore throat... fever... and headaches. I hate headaches. Makes your day seems like pit of hell.. blurry vision and everything seems twirling in front of you. Geez, my voice is so ... MANLY. hahaa...

Happy NEW YEAR 2005!

2005-01-02T23:45:00.000+08:00

It've been MONTHS ! Yep, it've been more than two months since i've updated my blog. And you know what? I couldn't even log in to my username when i tried to access it. phew, luckily i could still remember the email i used to register this blog.

Hmmh I'll try to be more frequent in updating my blog. have been busy with adjusting myself with work.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2005 everyone!!! How did you guys celebrate your new year? HAD FUN? I went for the movie "MEET THE FOCKERS". And it was great. Its so funny that i laughed almost every ticking minute of the movie. Pamela Martha Focker. Hmmh .. who'd want to use that name huh? And that poor cute lil doggie.. flushed by that evil feline! Hehezz..

Anyone watched LOTR: Return Of The King Extended version? WAOOOOO.... you gotta love the King of GONDOR!!! when he yield his sword (of ..elendiel?) to threaten the prime source of evil.. sauron... wowowow! And when gandalf disperse those flames shot by saruman and reflect his attack by destroying saruman's staff... DOUBLE WOW WOW.hahaa.. ok i know both of them are old grandpas.. but well.. man they're cool! Legolas is cool with his acrobatic kill of that oliphant. i've actually watched it twice and on the same week! hehees... and i don't mind watching it again anyway. Man i love this movie. its a trilogy which i could never forget. Though this movie brings back too much depressing memories.. nevertheless.. its still the best movies i've ever watched.

... hmmh drinking carrot and mixed fruits 100% juice now. tastes YUMMY!

Geez... my room is such a mess!!! luckily mom is calling someone over to clean up the house. well... at least i don't have to clean them up.

well wats up with this year 2004? A lot of things happened to me this year. Saddest moments in my life, almost losing everything out in me, made some great and best-est pals, started a proper job, new cell phone, new hope again in studies... Its a year I never wish to remember and so many things that happened which i pray so much god would take away from me. Almost lost my life but yet, God's grace saved me from my nuisance thoughts. Half year of deepest deepression from torture and abuse, and half year of hatred, self denial and loss of myself and few moments of healing. Hopefully 2005 would bring happy and unforgettable sweet moments to wipe away those should-be-forgotten dreaded memories this year.

Not much of a countdown over here in penang. So much deaths all round asia... poor victims of the mother nature. My sympathies to them and my prayers to them too. Donating some clothes and stuff to them. You should do so too please.

Steamboat Birthday PARTY~!!!~

2004-10-12T08:13:00.000+08:00

hey everybody!!!!

I'll be having a steamboat birthday party this saturday 16th october 2004!! it'll be at midlands condo/midlands heights. starting from 6pm (due to my good old pals) till late 11pm!! it'll be heck of fun and i'm so excited about it.

everyone is invited! ;D just send me a message that you could come, and you're most welcomed. don't get the idea that i didn't invite ya or call ya for it coz i forgot about you ... NOOOO... its because i was out of credit for my prepaid number.... so sorry about that.

just send a message to my cell phone to tell me you could come, and i'll prepare one place for ya!

geez... i'm so happy that my friends are helping me out and doing a lot for this dinner gathering. ;D thanks for all your support!!

lets make this a successful one ok!? and please pray to god for success of it. thankie thanks.

lost my cute poorky!

2004-10-10T20:05:00.000+08:00

I lost my cute lil pooky!

:( sad....

whoever that took it in to possession will be cursed and doomed!!!!! coz its MINE!!